you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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