paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
