i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
