I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will pee on everything he values.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
