Duck Duck Cougar?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
