The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
