After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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