Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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