Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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