He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
