Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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