Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
