she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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