how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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