Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
