the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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