Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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