Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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