I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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