dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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