five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
