his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
