Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is wine microwaveable?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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