why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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