I wish I could punch you in the face.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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