the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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