dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
