that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
