Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
