Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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