Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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