does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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