Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
