she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
