It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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