She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
