thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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