I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
