my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
