I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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