i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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