CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
