I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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