school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
