You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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