I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
