He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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