ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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