This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
