he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
