Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
