he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
