so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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