I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
