I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
