So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
