They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are the jesus of drinking
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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